On our favourite breakfast radio program, a caller one day announced that the coffee machine at the back of the plane that he had recently travelled on had “shat itself”.
With such a quaint description on the working condition of the coffee maker, it regularly gets a run as a “sound bite” on the program. In the same way as a movie was made about the song “How To Make Gravy”, we have decided to write a song about that sound bite. It was indeed a caffeine catastrophe.
lyrics
Cruising altitude, smooth as can be
Passengers settled, some watching TV
Then a rumble and hiss from the galley behind
A caffeine catastrophe about to unwind
Oh, turbulence ain’t got nothing on this
Mayhem in the aisle, coffee-ground mist
Flight crew in panic, no one to blame
Cause the coffee machine at the back of the plane
Just shat itself
Captain’s voice crackles over the PA
“Folks, we’ve got a situation with our café”
Laughter and groans fill the cabin air
As java runs wild without a care
Oh, turbulence ain’t got nothing on this
Mayhem in the aisle, coffee-ground mist
Flight crew in panic, no one to blame
Cause the coffee machine at the back of the plane
Just shat itself
Who needs in-flight entertainment?
We’ve got a show that’s far from mundane
A brewing rebellion, a java revolt
This flight’s gone from mundane to insane
Oh, turbulence ain’t got nothing on this
Mayhem in the aisle, coffee-ground mist
Flight crew in panic, no one to blame
Cause the coffee machine at the back of the plane
Just shat itself
Who needs in-flight entertainment?
We’ve got a show that’s far from mundane
A brewing rebellion, a java revolt
This flight’s gone from mundane to insane
Oh, turbulence ain’t got nothing on this
Mayhem in the aisle, coffee-ground mist
Flight crew in panic, no one to blame
Cause the coffee machine at the back of the plane
Just shat itself
So next time you fly, maybe bring your own cup
‘Cause you never know when things might erupt
And you’ll have a story, to keep on the shelf
Of the day that the coffee machine shat itself